My partner and I are having a really hard time with vaginal penetration.

There are a few things that can cause difficulty with inserting something (whether it’s a tampon, finger or penis) into the vagina:

• The first is the hymen. The hymen is a piece of tissue (kinda like skin) that surrounds the vaginal opening. It’s usually a flimsy thing that just goes around the edges of the opening. However, sometimes the hymen can be a little…extra. It can cover the majority of the vaginal opening (requiring more stretching and tearing before anything too big can be inserted). It can also have a strand across the center of the opening (called a septate hymen), which usually requires some tools (dilators) that you get from a doctor to help stretch it out. If you and/or your partner want to take a look to see what’s going on, that’s great! A doctor can also take a look for you. Ultimately, lubrication is going to be your friend here because it will allow for some gentle stretching and ease the insertion process.

• The second thing it could be is a Bartholin gland cyst. You have two Bartholin glands at the opening of the vagina. Their purpose is to produce good oils that coat the vagina and vulva and keep them healthy. However, they can get plugged up and form a kind of ball at the opening of your vagina. If you feel something firm or blocking your vaginal opening, this may be the situation. You can try warm baths/soaks to help open up the gland, but a doctor can also look and make the diagnosis — especially if the ball is tender or growing.

Whatever is happening, don’t be discouraged. This is one obstacle that will pass.