Talking to a partner
You have asked some amazing questions about how to bring up difficult topics with a romantic partner. Here are a few answers.
How do I ask my partner to use condoms?
No matter what type of sex, if there’s a penis involved, a condom will provide some benefit. First, it enhances protection against pregnancy by reducing/eliminating the transfer of sperm to the vagina. Second, it is one of the only things we can use to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (whether penis-to-vagina, penis-to-anus or oral sex). And third, condoms can be fun! (Think ribbed, glow-in-the-dark and flavored.) So here are a few ideas on how to bring up condoms:
Consider starting with the facts! As above, condoms can help prevent pregnancy and STIs.
Offer to split the cost and go shopping together. Condoms CAN be a little pricey (depending on brand and “special features”) so sharing in the responsibility is important (unless you’re also paying for birth control, in which case, figure out equal cost-sharing).
Offer to try a variety of types until you both find the one that feels best! Phrase this in a positive way—you can have as much sex as is necessary until you find the right fit.
Don’t forget accessories! Lube is an important part of sexual comfort, especially with a condom. Try out different water-based or silicone-based lubes to see what enhances the experience.
Ultimately, if your partner says “no” to a condom, you can refuse to participate in sex. There are other ways to experience pleasure with one another that don’t necessarily need a condom (hand play or massage, coordinated masturbation). It’s your body, too, so don’t feel that you need to compromise safety for the pleasure of others.
How do I ask my partner to consider birth control?
Penis-to-vagina sex carries a few major consequences, perhaps the biggest of which is the potential for conceiving a child. There are ways to avoid this, namely condoms and birth control. And even though responsibility of “birth control” generally falls on the individual with a vagina, it does not mean that the person with a penis is off the hook. Familiar with the phrase “it takes two to tango?”
So if you’re the person with a penis and you want to discuss birth control with your partner—bravo!!! It can be a weird thing to bring up when it isn’t your body, but your sperm is definitely a necessary player in making a baby. Here are a few ideas on how to bring up birth control with your partner (assuming neither of you want a baby right now):
Ask what their thoughts are and what they know about birth control.
Offer to go to the doctor together to discuss options. There are many!
Offer to split any costs associated with birth control (either a copay for the doctor’s office or for the prescription itself).
Do your own research into side effects and benefits. It shows a level of respect if you understand and acknowledge that any form of birth control will have some impact on their body.
Remember your role as well! Consider going in on this responsibility thing together (meaning that you can offer to use condoms!).
How can I tell my partner I don’t want to send nude pictures?
While it can seem fun and sexy in the moment, we already know that there are definite down-sides to sending nude photos. In the wrong hands, they can circulate beyond your control. Once you hit “send” the possibility is out there. The other MAJOR issue with sending nude photos is that, if you’re under 18, sending and receiving nude photos might be illegal. It depends where you live, but most places have some sort of law regarding nude images of people under the age of 17. So even if you took your own photo, sending it may be against the law.
When it comes to intimacy, bringing up illegal activity is not necessarily a turn-on. If you’re looking for a more gentle way to turn down the suggestion that you and your partner exchange nude photos, say that you much prefer in-person intimacy or that nudes really don’t do it for you. If they ask for nudes of you, just say no. An understanding partner should drop the subject. If they don’t, then maybe it’s not such a healthy relationship anyway.