Talking to your parents

Some subjects are super uncomfortable. You’ve asked a few great questions about the sticky subjects. Here are a couple of answers.

 

How do I tell my parents about something embarrassing going on with my body?

We’ve all been there — something super awkward happens to our body that deserves some medical attention. It might be a lump in the vagina, tight foreskin or a rash under a boob. It could also be that you’re concerned about where you are in puberty (though you’re likely totally fine), if your inverted nipple is normal (it likely is) or want to know if the bumps on your scrotum are normal (they likely are). It’s hard enough to tell the doctor, but how are you supposed to tell your parents?!

I AM a doctor and not a communication specialist, but I do know that I want to see my patients whenever anything is bothering them. So here are a few ideas that might help you get to my office faster by opening up to your parents:

  1. Write it on a piece of paper or in a text. Tell them what you’re worried about and ask for them to make an appointment for you.

  2. Tell them you have something embarrassing happening and that you want to talk about it alone with a doctor!

  3. Put the awkwardness on them and ask them about their own experience. For example, if you’re worried that you have a hemorrhoid, ask, “Hey, mom/dad/aunt/uncle/guardian. Have you ever had a hemorrhoid? What do they feel like?”

  4. Suggest a trip to the doctor for another reason (like a yearly sports physical or HPV vaccine). Once you’re in the office, they’ll likely ask if you have other concerns…and there’s your chance!


How do I tell my parents I want to start birth control? Do I have to tell them?

First, you should be applauded for planning ahead and understanding that birth control is an important tool in preventing pregnancy. Way to be mature! Second, it depends on the type of relationship you have with your parents. If you aren’t totally comfortable coming out and saying, “I’d like to get on birth control,” here are a few additional potential benefits of birth control that you COULD use to justify your interest in them.

  • Combination birth control pills help with acne.

  • Pills can help get your period regular (on a reliable schedule).

  • Many types of birth control (pills, shot, implant) can help with cramps.

  • Many types of birth control can help with period flow. In fact, it’s possible to use pills to get only 4 periods a year (and with reduced blood loss). People who get the Depo shot generally lose their periods entirely, while those who get the implant usually experience lighter if not eliminated period flow.

If you think your parents will still say “no,” there are other ways to get birth control. (And I want to clarify here that while I absolutely advocate for an open relationship with parents, there are certain circumstances where that simply isn’t possible. My patients are YOU, not your parents, and I want you to be safe and informed.)

  • First, most visits with doctor while you’re a teen are confidential, meaning your parents don’t have to know about them. Oftentimes they may know you WENT to a doctor but they won’t know WHAT you talked about. Call your doctor’s office ahead of time to check their confidential services policy.

  • Second, planned parenthood is another option — in person OR using an app. Planned Parenthood Direct is just one of a few services that can send birth control directly to your home. Check it out!