Does my mom need to be in my doctor's appointment with me?

This is such an important part of growing up. Whether it’s about sex or depression or changes in your body, it’s good to get in the habit of speaking for yourself without your parents. Let’s consider a few different scenarios to help you brainstorm how to get the healthcare that you deserve. 

First, let’s say your mom is cool with this. Before you even go to the doctor you say, “hey, mom. There are some things I want to talk to the doctor about but I’m embarrassed to have you in the room. Is it okay if you step out when I ask my questions?” She hugs you and says she’s proud of you. Easy. 

Second scenario is that your mom loves you very much but wants you to remain her little boy or girl. She’s having a hard time watching you grow up. You might ask her the above question and she says, “absolutely not,” or you might be too scared to even ask. This is where your doctor can help you out. Many doctors will read your body language when they start to ask some personal questions and may ask your mom for some privacy. They’ll hopefully explain to her that taking control of your own health and body is an important part of growing up. However, your mom might still say “no.” Darn. 

This brings up a third scenario. Most states allow teenagers to receive mental health or contraception services without a parent or guardian, and all states allow STI testing without a parent or guardian. (Either call your doctor’s office or check out the Guttmacher Institute online to know your state’s laws.) If you’re too embarrassed or worried about going to your doctor for these mature conversations, Planned Parenthood also offers contraception and STI services in some areas, though you will likely have to pay a small fee.

As far as what your mom needs to know, that's up to you. The only things a doctor really would need to tell her are if you are planning to hurt yourself or others. I hope you would want her to know that, too.

One last note about supervision during the doctor’s visit. If your parent steps out of the room during the physical exam, you might need or want a ‘chaperone.’ (If your doctor is the opposite sex you should have a chaperone. If your doctor is the same sex as you it’s up to you whether a chaperone is present.) A chaperone is usually a nurse or assistant that is in the room with you and the doctor during the exam. They are there to make you feel more comfortable and make sure you get an appropriate exam. You are also entitled to decline any part of a physical exam. While doctors want to make sure you are growing and developing appropriately, it’s your body and you can decline anything you want.