How do I ask my partner to use a condom?

This is one of my favorite questions! It shows maturity that you’re even thinking about this.

Obviously, birth control provides some protection against pregnancy, but there are other things to consider when it comes to penis-to-vagina sex or penis-to-anus sex. First, it enhances protection against pregnancy by reducing/eliminating the transfer of sperm to the vagina. Second, it is one of the only things we can use to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (whether penis-to-vagina sex or penis-to-anus sex). So here are a few ideas on how to bring up condoms:

• Consider starting with the facts! As above, condoms can help prevent pregnancy and STIs.

• Offer to split the cost and go shopping together. Condoms CAN be a little pricey (depending on brand and “special features”) so sharing in the responsibility is important (unless you’re also paying for birth control, in which case, figure out equal cost-sharing).

• Offer to try a variety of types until you both find the one that feels best! Phrase this in a positive way—you can have as much sex as is necessary until you find the right fit.

• Don’t forget accessories! Lube is an important part of sexual comfort, especially with a condom. Try out different water-based or silicone-based lubes to see what enhances the experience.

• Ultimately, if your partner says “no” to a condom, you can refuse to participate in sex. There are other ways to experience pleasure with one another that don’t necessarily need a condom (hand play or massage, coordinated masturbation). It’s your body, too, so don’t feel that you need to compromise safety for the pleasure of others.