Struggling to earn your parents’ trust can be tricky, especially if you did nothing to deserve their strict rules. Try to keep in mind that they aren’t doing this to punish you (unless you did something that needs punishing; in which case, you need to do the time). They are doing it to protect you. Unfortunately the message that they are sending is that they are trying to protect you from yourself. For whatever reason your parents seem to think that controlling your activities and limiting your hours of socializing will keep you out of trouble. Is this true? Probably not. You being responsible is what’s going to keep you out of trouble. So let’s consider how we can get them to see what a good person you are.

As with most healthy relationships, communication is super important. Start by talking to them and sharing how their rigid boundaries make you feel. Maybe like a child? (Which you’re not.) Maybe like you’ve done something wrong? (Which you haven’t.) Maybe like you’re irresponsible? (Which you aren’t.) Take some time to think about why you’re bothered by their rules and tell them.

You might have to negotiate. Start small. “If I prove to you that I can be home by 5 every weekday, can I sleep over at my friend’s house this weekend?” Sometimes bringing attention to the ways you are responsible might open their eyes to how trustworthy you already are.

You might have to ask for them to explain themselves, but do it in a mature manner. “Please explain to me what your concerns are in regards to me going to the homecoming dance.” Once they list their concerns, be prepared to address each one with a solution or a way to ease their uncertainty.

You might have to bear your soul. “When you place such strict boundaries on me I feel like a bad person. As if I’ve done something wrong.” Allow them to respond and explain their reasoning. You might learn a lot about each other.

So good luck. And remember, most of the time your parents only want to protect you and keep you safe. They just need a little help realizing that you aren’t a kid anymore. If they get to help you fly while you’re still living at home, they will hopefully feel even more confident in your ability to tackle the world once you move out.