Healthy is a tricky word. It can be really hurtful when a good friend starts spending more time with other people, especially if it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend. It feels like they’re ditching you and all of the great times you had together. But I encourage you to not take it personally. Here’s why.

Your friend is going through puberty. Puberty is defined by a surge of hormones that not only drives the outward body changes but also drives the feelings of sexual attraction and desire for physical connection. Your friend is exploring these new feelings with his girlfriend. While it comes at a cost (time with you) it very likely isn’t meant to be hurtful. Talk to your friend about how much you miss them and see if you can get some quality time together soon.

This brings up what a healthy friendship is. Good communication, trust and respect are all critical pieces of a healthy friendship. If you’re ashamed or scared to bring something up, or if your friend dismisses your feelings, it might not be the healthiest friendship. And being stuck in an unhealthy friendship can end up taking a negative toll on our bodies. It can cause lowered feelings of self-worth, stress and sadness.

Take this time to evaluate how your friendships make you feel. I used the words “good communication,” “trust” and “respect” to define a healthy friendship. How do you define a healthy friendship?